Ayedale

[Ayedale the Hyper]

Full Name:ayedale

Race: Human Dragon rider

Side: Eragon

Birthplace: outside of the spine

Age: 15

Gender:Female

Birthday: April, 18,

Eyes: bright blue eyes as if to show her soul kind eyes yet fierce in battle

Hair: long blond hair no style yet stunning

Weight: 160 pounds

Height: 5,10

Magic User: yes

Clothing: black and red Armour when fighting and a black blouse and jeans

Weapon(s): long elven oak bow she has two blades both of the the handles are black they are carved with the word skulblaka (dragon) also she as one long sword

Personality: she is a very attractive woman, she very intelligent, mysterious, kind , she can persuade people very easily, fierce, strong, she is a sorwd master but not unbeatable , she can get mad easily, and even though she is very attractive she falls in love very easily, powerful, sly and stronger than she looks, very spiritual, she dosnt listen that well and that gets her into trouble very easily, she is very mercifull , the truth is she is very short tempered and she may be able to trick people but she is very gulible herself.

Likes/Dislikes: likes: Hunting, out doors , fighting, spell weaving , running,
Dislikes crowds, cities , stupidity.

Family: none remaining all were slaughtered when she was 12 she lived in the wilderness for a while and that taught her survivle skills.

history: Her life was wonderful she lived on a farm . Then Bandits came to her house asking Questions About money her father and her Brother answered saying " we will not give you anything" ( Luckily ayedale
was upstairs) After that she Heard screams she peaked through a crack in the floor and found them all dead. She jumped out of the window and fled into the spine.For 3 weeks she ran about in the spine weeping for her family. she found water and did not want to live in such a crule world so she made a boat in attempt to go to a new country and start a new lifeshe finaly came to Vroengard (she did not mean to do this) they senced that she was a rider and gave her an dragons egg. They were soon suprised that It hatched into a dragon, she named the dragon Isis with the help of elves and the varden she was transformed from a little weeping girl into a power full dragon rider.

extras: she is a skilled sword master and she is a novice spellweaver she very mysterious but friendly at the same time she does not want people in her head but she goes in theres she is very Intelligent but can also be a fool ( She hates to admit this) In battle Her two blades are deadly, she loves the wild and trys to avoid cities However she does not mind Ellesmera.

RP sample : begginer
Dragon

Name: Isis

Age: a month

Gender: Female

Color: Green
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Personality: matches Aiedails but more smart, stubborn, and strong

Extras: this Dragon is very strong , and very Intellengent , when is acting foolish she helps her, Isis is very stubborn herself she Hates crowds and will stop at nothing to protect Aiedail, she also will not listen to orders and is very proud ( A little to proud)

Picture:

[Eragon the Laid Back]

First of all don't put a date for the birthday, I don't know if you can have colored blades thats up to Keahi, I don't think the way you found the egg will work but again up to Keahi

[Keahi the Sarcastic]

Full Name: Aiedail (Morning star)
Not a good idea to have the same name as a city. Be more original about the name itself—just a word of the old tongue is unrealistic, especially for a human. If you like, you can modify the spelling and such so as to have it pronounced the same way, but spelled differently.

Race: Human Dragon Rider

Side: Eragon

Birthplace: Outside of Carvahall
Too much like Eragon himself. Be more original. Also Carvahall is destroyed, as it was in Eldest.

Age: 18

Gender: Female

Birthday: April, 18, 1989 ( I'm not sure what year it is in Alagaesia)
There isn't an exact year, April 18th will suffice.

Eyes: bright blue eyes as if to show her soul kind eyes yet fierce in battle

Hair: long blond hair no style yet stunning
Use proper capitalization and punctuation.

Weight: 160 pounds

Height: 5' 10'

Magic User: yes

Clothing: black and red Armour
Spelling too, it's armor without a u. Also, she can't just run around in armor all the time, what's her casual wear? Armor must match the color of the dragon.

Weapon(s): long elven oak bow painted black she has two blades both of the the handles are black the blades are red they is carved with the word skulblaka (dragon) also she as one long sword Gold is the color
ONE Rider's sword—one colored blade—and it must match the dragon. How on earth did she acquire an elven bow? Proper grammar as well—they are carved, not they is carved; she has, not she as.

Personality: she is a very attractive woman, she very intelligent, mysterious, kind , she can persuade people very easily, fierce, strong, she is a powerful spell weaver and sored master but not unbeatable , she can get mad easily, and even though she is very attractive she falls in love very easily, powerful, sly and stronger than she looks, very spiritual
Too perfect. How did she become a powerful spell weaver and sword master in the span of a single month?

Likes/Dislikes: likes: Hunting, out doors , fighting, spell weaving , running,
Dislikes crowds, razac, cities , stupidity.
In case I forgot to put it in the plot, the Raz'ac are dead.

Family: none remaining all were slaughtered when she was 11 she lived in the wilderness for the rest of her life the closest person to her is fonador who taught her spells and how to survive.
How did Fonadar know spell-work? Even if they're dead, you still have to add their names and relation.

history: Her life was wonderful she lived on a farm out side of Carvahall. Then Razac came to her house asking Questions About An egg her father and her Brother answered saying "egg what egg? we don't know of any besides the chickens eggs'' ( Luckily she was upstairs) After that she Heard screams she peaked through a crack in the floor and found them all dead. She jumped out of the window and fled into the spine were she found an egg she remembered how the razac were looking for one so she dropped It and was about to run then a hand grabbed her he said "you were did you get that" "I found It" she replied "Its a dragon egg" who are you she asked "I am fonador" fonador took her in and fed her then after A week the egg hatched Fonador told her she was a dragon rider and taught her every thing she needed to know she named her dragon wyrda(fate) because that it was fate that brought them together. when Aiedail competed her training fonador took her to the varden there she started her new life...
Raz'ac have been eradicated. All the eggs are currently in Doru Areaba and cannot have been found anywhere else. Dragon's name is as unoriginal as your characters. How did she know it was an egg? How did Fonadar know anything that you say he did? The Varden has disbanded, the closest thing to it is Vroengard. You said her family died when she was eleven and that she is now age eighteen with her dragon at two months old, but this sound as if she found the egg right after running from the already-dead Raz'ac. This whole thing is very unrealistic, try again.

extras: she is a skilled sword master and spellweaver she very mysterious but friendly at the same time she does not want people in her head but she goes in theres she is very Intelligent but can also be a fool ( She hates to admit this) In battle Her two blades are deadly, she loves the wild and trys to avoid cities However she does not mind Ellesmera.
How is it she has ever even visited Elesméra? Again, how did she get so good with the sword—let alone two at once—in a single month? Again, too perfect.

Dragon

Name: wyrda (fate)
Needs a more original name.

Age: a month

Gender: Female

Color: Green
Where's the color code?


Personality: matches Aiedails but more smart, stubborn, and strong
Explain it as if it weren't the same as her Rider's.

Extras: this Dragon is very strong , and very Intelligent , when Aiedail is acting foolish she helps her, wyrda is very stubborn herself she Hates crowds and will stop at nothing to protect Aiedail.
She is also a month old. She's not even old enough to ride, let alone protect her from anything more than a badger, maybe a wolf—which, unless it has rabies or mange, wouldn't attack her anyway. Strong-minded is believable, physically strong (at present time) is not.

An RP Sample is needed.

All together, I'd say this requires an almost complete do-over. Picture code:
[img]URL HERE[/img]

[Ayedale the Hyper]

is it better

[Keahi the Sarcastic]

Much better, There are, however, still a few problems...

Her life was wonderful she lived on a farm out side of Carvahall. Then Bandits came to her house asking Questions About money her father and her Brother answered saying " we will not give you anything" ( Luckily ayedale
was upstairs) After that she Heard screams she peaked through a crack in the floor and found them all dead. She jumped out of the window and fled into the spine.For 3 weeks she ran about in the spine weeping for her family. She finaly came to the varden they did not think she could be a dragon rider but gave it a try they gave her a room for a week and placed a dragon egg in her room. They were soon suprised that It hatched into a dragon, she named the dragon Isis with the help of elves and the varden she was transformed from a little weeping girl into a power full dragon rider.
It still says she lived outside Carvahall. Bandits would have just rampaged into the house, killed everyone in it, then taken everything of value. You probably mean Vroengard when you say the Varden, correct? If that's what you mean, then first she'd need a boat, or to be able to swim really, really far to get there, so you might want to add that to your history. They would not doubt wether anyone could be a Rider. Dragons cannot be any older than two years at present, and that—let alone one month— is not enough time for her to become "a powerful Dragon Rider."

she is a skilled sword master and spell-weaver
Having a natural aptitude for swords is okay, but not for magic. Being a skilled spell-user takes years of practice, not a month. That part's going to have to go.

You still need an RP Sample.

[Keahi the Sarcastic]

RP Sample is still needed.

[Keahi the Sarcastic]

Accepted.

FYI, I expect proper spelling, grammar, punctuation, and capitalization while you are roleplaying.

[Ayedale the Hyper]

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!