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Post by Ayedale the Hyper on Jan 21, 2007 22:07:32 GMT -5
crispy coooooooooooooooooooookkkkkiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeesssssssssssssssss!!!!
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Post by Keahi the Sarcastic on Jan 21, 2007 23:10:11 GMT -5
Would You Work For This Company?
Do you fancy working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics?:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse * 7 have been arrested for fraud * 19 have been accused of writing bad checks * 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses * 3 have done time for assault * 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit * 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges * 8 have been arrested for shoplifting * 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits * 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year ...
Can you guess which organization this is?
Given up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
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Post by Ayedale the Hyper on Jan 21, 2007 23:12:41 GMT -5
NICE!
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Post by Keahi the Sarcastic on Jan 21, 2007 23:43:26 GMT -5
[smug]That's why I work here.[/smug]
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Post by Ayedale the Hyper on Jan 22, 2007 18:50:54 GMT -5
little kid: mommy I know my A.B.C 's ! ABCDEFGMMMMMMMMLOPMMMMPGRSTUPWPWYandX OR IS IT Z NOW I KNOW MY ACB'S NEXT WONT YOU SING WITH ME! mom: no i will not that was so bad!
kid: I know thank you muma
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Post by Keahi the Sarcastic on Jan 22, 2007 19:46:25 GMT -5
LOL.... or WTF?
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Post by Cepheus the Pessimistic on Jan 22, 2007 20:57:30 GMT -5
Hm...I forgot. Really, I did. I had something really good to say at school, but forgot it when I got home...
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Post by Keahi the Sarcastic on Jan 22, 2007 21:04:38 GMT -5
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.
Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it \hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking ..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors... They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting.
At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed ... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today, I registered to vote Republican.
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Post by Ayedale the Hyper on Jan 22, 2007 22:19:17 GMT -5
wow...
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Post by Keahi the Sarcastic on Jan 22, 2007 23:52:18 GMT -5
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." — W.C. Fields
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Post by Cepheus the Pessimistic on Jan 23, 2007 16:34:58 GMT -5
"Being a star is great. It lets me go all sorts of overseas places. Like Canada." Apparently Britney Spears said that...
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Post by Keahi the Sarcastic on Jan 23, 2007 16:49:20 GMT -5
"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound." - Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm
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Post by Ayedale the Hyper on Jan 23, 2007 18:53:49 GMT -5
duna duna duna duna BATMAN! - batman!
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Post by Cinderblock on Jan 27, 2007 18:43:26 GMT -5
boys are like slinkies useless but its fun to watch them fall down the stairs
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Post by Keahi the Sarcastic on Jan 28, 2007 15:34:20 GMT -5
How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby." - Anonymous Manufacturer
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